Back-to-School Anxiety Isn't Just for Kids

Every August, I start hearing similar things from clients.

"My son suddenly has a stomach ache every morning."

"My daughter keeps asking me the same questions about school over and over."

"I don't know why I'm so emotional. The kids are finally going back and I thought I'd be relieved."

"My teenager says they're fine... but I can tell something's off."

We tend to think of back-to-school anxiety as something that belongs to children.

But I don't think that's actually true. In my experience, September stirs something up in almost everyone. Even adults with no connection to school often notice they're more anxious this time of year. Why? Because September is full of transitions. And if there's one thing I've learned as a therapist, it's that our nervous systems don't really care whether change is "good" or "bad." They just know something is changing.

Anxiety Isn't Always Loud

One of the biggest misconceptions about anxiety is that people know they're anxious.

Sometimes they do. More often, they don't. Children rarely walk into the kitchen and announce, "I'm feeling dysregulated about the upcoming transition."

Instead, they tell us their stomach hurts. They become clingier. They melt down over things that normally wouldn't bother them. They suddenly don't want to sleep in their own room.

Teenagers are even trickier. They withdraw, get irritable, spend hours in their room (even more than normal), they get perfectionistic, or they go totally complacent.

As adults, we aren't much different. I've seen parents convince themselves they're just "busy," when really they're overwhelmed. Teachers tell themselves they're simply preparing for another school year, when underneath there's worry about a new class, increased workload, or whether they have enough emotional energy for another year.

Anxiety wears a lot of disguises.

We Sometimes Talk People Out of Their Feelings Too Quickly

Don't rush to convince your child they shouldn't be nervous. As parents, we do it because we want our kids to worry less and we don't like seeing them in distress.

So we respond with things like:

"You'll be fine."

"There's nothing to worry about."

"Your teacher is really nice."

Sometimes those things are true. But they don't always help. What often helps first is feeling understood. Imagine walking into work tomorrow and finding out your office had moved, your coworkers were different, your boss had changed, you weren't sure where to sit, and everyone expected you to act like it was no big deal. Most adults would feel unsettled. Children are doing some version of that every September. Instead of trying to erase their feelings, I wonder what would happen if we simply got curious.

"I wonder if part of you is feeling nervous."

"That actually makes a lot of sense."

Being understood often helps people settle more than being reassured.

Parents Feel It Too (Even If We Don't Admit It)

Here's something I wish more parents knew.

You can feel relieved that school is starting...

...and miss your kids.

You can be excited to get back into routine...

...and feel guilty for looking forward to quieter days.

You can love summer...

...and be completely exhausted by it.

Those feelings aren't opposites.

They're just different parts of the same experience. I've noticed parents are often the last people to give themselves permission to have mixed emotions. Everyone else's feelings matter. Theirs somehow become secondary.

Teachers Don't Walk Into September Feeling Nothing

I work with a lot of teachers and also have a lot of teachers in my family. By late July and definitely by August, many of them are already thinking about classroom dynamics, lesson planning, new students, behaviours, parent communication, and how they're going to balance another busy year with their own lives. People often imagine teachers have had two months of vacation. But most haven't spent two months relaxing. Many have been planning, worrying, preparing, or simply trying to recover from the previous school year.

If you're a teacher feeling anxious heading into September, you're certainly not alone.

Sometimes Anxiety Isn't About School At All

This is the interesting part. Every September, I also see adults who aren't students, parents, or teachers. Yet they still notice their anxiety increasing. Why? Because September often feels like a fresh start. When the distractions of summer begin winding down, there's suddenly more space to notice the things we've been avoiding. The relationship we've been questioning. The burnout we've been pushing through. The anxiety we've been telling ourselves will just go away. Sometimes it isn't school that's making us anxious. School just happens to be the season when a lot of us finally notice it.

When Should You Reach Out?

As a therapist, I don't believe we need to get rid of all anxiety. Some anxiety is healthy. It tells us something important is happening. What I'm paying attention to is whether anxiety is starting to take over.

Is your child missing school because they're so overwhelmed?

Is your teenager withdrawing from the people they usually enjoy?

Are you spending every evening worrying about tomorrow instead of being present today?

If that's what's happening, I'd encourage you not to wait until you're completely burnt out before asking for help. Counselling isn't about proving things are "bad enough."

It's simply a place to understand what's happening and get support before life starts feeling smaller because of it.

You Don't Have to Figure It Out Alone

Whether you're a child struggling with school anxiety, a teenager trying to navigate friendships, a parent carrying the mental load of another busy season, or a teacher wondering how you're going to do another year, you deserve support too.

At Talking Helps Heal, we provide counselling for children, teens, adults, couples, and families in Cranbrook and Kimberley, as well as virtual counselling throughout British Columbia.

If this season has been feeling heavier than you expected, we'd love to help. Book a free consult today and find a caring and compassionate counsellor at www.talkinghelpsheal.com. We have a diverse team of counsellors, so you can find your best fit. We have offices in Cranbrook and Kimberley or you can meet us online from the comfort of your home!

Photo taken at Fort Steele Heritage Town.